The Grief of Miscarriage

My emotions ran wild after my first miscarriage, but I didn’t know how to articulate them, let alone process all that had happened. Sharing this loss felt too personal to talk about. So I bottled up my feelings and tried to move on.

Maybe you’ve done that too.

I’ve had four miscarriages in total, and they’ve all been difficult. Each one was unique — unique expectations, different times in my life, varied ways of grieving. But they were all similar as well. After my first miscarriage I was shocked — I didn’t expect to lose the baby. No one in my family had ever even talked about miscarriage. But for subsequent miscarriages, I almost expected it. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I began steeling myself for disappointment.

After each miscarriage, I was naturally sad and disappointed. My mind had been spinning ever since I saw the positive pregnancy test and I began preparing and planning for my child’s life. Additionally, the huge physical toll on my body after a miscarriage required time to rest and recover. A D&C is routine outpatient surgery, but it didn’t feel routine to me. Lastly, I struggled to tell people that I’d lost the baby. I felt embarrassed, as if I had done something wrong, though I’m not sure why. Those conversations felt awkward — people who had rejoiced with me over being pregnant now didn’t know what to say.

I appreciated words like: “I’m so sorry. Can I bring you a meal or help run errands for you? Or bring you a cup of coffee and talk?” 

I sometimes felt as though God had abandoned me and wondered why he had let this happen. But I found that God truly was my greatest comfort, for only he knew the deep sorrows of my heart.

This month’s newsletter is focused on resources for people who have had miscarriages. I hope that it’s helpful for you or someone you love. To receive it, you can subscribe here.